SHOULD I admit WATCHING PORN? im 15 shes 36?

hey, im 16 this summer (female), im close to this women who was school secretary but left, i have been sexually assulted, abused, beaten, i self harm, and used to smoke and very sensitive so always crying, and have like 3 true friends.. so i received po******phy 2 months ago and i was panicking after seeing a male privte part so i caled her and she told me dnt watch it but i duno i had the urge to and there were les**n videos (im bisexual) and i promised her i wouldnt watch it, but i did and broke my promise and nw i let my friend from britain send me some.. if i tell her i know shell get mad and ill lose her trust but i want to stop watching it =( plz dnt say its normal, but i didnt cry 2 years ago wen i told her i was sexually assulted, im nt someone who is weak face to face but lways am crying on the pone when we talk (me and her), i feel if i ask fr help shell think i wanted to make out with the one who abused me (my parents know and police but they blamed me) shes a motherly figure, a best friend and an elder sister, nobody ever understood me like here. i told her i wish if she was my mum 5 days ago